Kris texted me this:
“Throwing money at the homeless isn’t nice, Curly Q.
You coulda just HANDED it over.”
and I cried and replied with this:
“Well, excuse ME. Who exactly died and wrote in their will for everyone to vote you to be the Prime Minister of etiquette!?
At least I’m not putting it in a g-string at the club like Lestrade does every Saturday.”
and then she replied with:
“Sherlock, I don’t need to know about your side job and how Lestrade gives you crap tips!
Maybe if you were nice to the homeless you’d get better pay!”
RPING WITH US IS CERTAINLY AN EXPERIENCE.
AND IT IS MORE FUNNY BECAUSE SHE’S IN MY PHONE AS DEAN WINCHESTER, SO I’M ALSO CRYING ABOUT THAT PART.
“The homeless do not go to clubs, and I do a fantastic pole dance.
Lestrade is the only one to give crap tips and avoid eye contact, the complete arse. He tips Anderson fine!”
“That’s a mental image I didn’t need, thank you very much. The last thing I needed embedded into my skull was the image of Anderson bumping and grinding up on them poles. Nasty. Thank you for the years of nightmares to come.”
AND I REPLIED WITH:
“Back on subject and off of work, I throw money at the homeless because I don’t want ot touch them and it’s fun to throw things, which is why I usually use coins.
Coins make cool looking colours on people and it’s a fun thing. Ask anyone. Even ask Mrs. Hudson, she’s the one who taught me. She makes this weird gorilla noise when she does it, too, but that’s a bit too weird for me…”
“Mrs. Hudson is a weirdo period, I thought we discussed that. Some humanitarian YOU are.
Throwing coins at the homeless.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. If you’re gonna throw something at them, try hotdogs or something they can eat. Or throw a kitten.
People like kittens.
Just don’t throw John. He’s not a kitten.”
“He said I can throw him. I mean, he didn’t know what he was agreeing to because I drugged him first, BUT HE SAID SO. HE SAID THAT HE “WOULD BE GLAD TO PLEMP STEMEW THE FLOW, DARLING” WHICH OBVIOUSLY MEANS “GOD, YES, SHERLOCK. THROW ME AT THOSE HOMELESS. THROW ME AT THEM HARD.”
“Or, you know, he wanted you to throw him against the wall like the manly hunk of a high functioning sociopath you are and ravage his body so hard that he’ll need a wheelchair after. That’s just MY guess, though. “GOD, YES, SHERLOCK. THROW ME AGAINST THE WALL AND SHOW ME THE /REAL/ SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION.”
“You think I’m a manly hunk of a high functioning sociopath?
JOHN IS OKAY WITH ME EXPERIMENTING ON HIM EVEN IF IT HURTS HIM? IT’S EASTER!!!”
I CAN’T STOP CRYING AND SCREAMING. JOIRLKJGBOIERLKJGMOFILKJGOIKLRDAJFGIOKL
I SHOULD REALLY GO TO BED /LOL/
In case anyone was curious as to what all the yelling was about.